Who should be forgiven?
What’s something you’ve forgiven but haven’t forgotten?
This is a difficult prompt to me because I don’t tend to forgive let alone forget wrongs inflicted on me by others. Looking at all of my schools I remember, with the exception of St Andrew’s, I was badly treated by both staff and pupils. I haven’t forgiven them and I don’t know why I should. The idea that children don’t understand the true effects of their bullying behaviour is simply nonsense because bullying is targeted at the victims in the way that hurts the most. From there it follows that they are not people who can change because bullying is a natural process for them that they honed over a period of years.
I am aware of the adage that reads something like, ‘Holding a grudge is like taking poison and hoping your enemy suffers.’ It is true that it has affected me rather than my tormentors but it also drove me to be determined to get as far as I could in life and career. I have been blessed with my marriage and my life since those days and as another adage has it, ‘The best revenge is a life well lived’ or something like that.
Of course there are incidents which I have forgiven but that’s on a case by case basis where the person has apologised. Where they haven’t I don’t see why I should forgive.
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I still live in the town i grew up in and occasionally see people who gave me a hard time at school or scumbags from the estate who caused aggro for myself and my brothers as kids. Most of them have not aged well, some have gone on to a life of crime and drug addiction, and a few turned a corner and changed completely. I have fleeting flashes of resentment, and there are some who i wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire, but i try not to let such things fester anymore.
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Good advice. Most of my tormentors have probably gone on to succeed in their chosen fields because we were at a Grammar school. Oh well, I have a fantastic family around me so I don’t spare much of a thought for them except when prompts like these come along!
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I like your perspective on using these things to spur you on in life and it is one I will integrate into my own life more. Just my view but I feel like I just have to try to forgive. There are a few reasons: 1. It actually helps me forget and I know that – when I do have a grudge – it will run very deep so I won’t forget (which is bad for me). 2. I also feel like I can’t expect any forgiveness for myself if I can’t extend it to others. 3. I do think some contrition is required to forgive (which hasn’t always been forthcoming) but am sure I do things all the time which probably need forgiveness and am blissfully unaware of them, so others may be the same. 4. I tend to think that things visited on me when I was much younger WERE done without full knowledge or awareness (naive possibly, I know). NB. I don’t really forgive some politicians and other very rich/ powerful types as these are a bit of a separate category ha ha ha. Maybe I should. Anyway, am sure they won’t lose any sleep over what I think ha ha
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I can’t disagree with any of them especially number 1. It’s one of the things that has definitely improved since I left work, but I still need to be aware of it because it’s apt to creep up on me. I do sometimes think of things that I did that were thoughtlessly unfair and that brings 3 & 4 into play. 🤔 You are a wise man JP and I genuinely mean that.
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