Take it easy on yourself

As I have mentioned a few times in this blog, my self-confidence and my approach to my own life has been determined by my family and cultural upbringing. Phrases like ‘Self praise is no recommendation’ and most of the lines in Rudyard Kipling’s ‘If’ gave me the message that I could never be good enough, that I could never ‘rest on my laurels’ if I wanted to make anything of myself. The idea of giving myself an easier way through life never occurred to me and it led to me being constantly stressed, to add to the stress of navigating life as an autistic in a neurotypical world, meant that I spent 90% of my first six decades in fight or flight mode.

Janet kept me as relaxed as she could but it was an uphill task for her. Then about two years ago she paved the way for me to give up year round work and life has changed completely since. With more room to breathe I don’t feel I am in a constant battle internally and externally. I am still something of a hard taskmaster to myself and it takes a lot to satisfy me in terms of my achievements, but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. The life lesson of being easy on myself is still one I am learning but I’m getting much better now that I’m not under constant work pressure.