The Language of Loss

I have answered similar questions to this one twice in the last 6 months so I wanted to look at the phrasing instead and reflect on our relationship with loss.

‘Bucket list’ is a dreadful phrase that I hate to see or hear. It is based on the English euphemism, ‘To kick the bucket’ which refers to someone dying. In the UK we hate any conversations around death and we retreat to euphemism at every possible opportunity. We have phrases like ‘passed on’ and ‘over the rainbow bridge’ depending on whether it was a person or a pet. We have ‘happy heavenly birthday’ which we use instead of  ‘remembering on what would have been their birthday’. I find that phrase mawkish in the extreme. Even if you believe in heaven as a real concept, why would the person be celebrating something that would no longer mean anything?

All of these phrases and many others are used to avoid the reality of loss and I am just as guilty as anyone else of avoidance of the subject of death. It is something that is ingrained into us from childhood and very few of us are able to transcend our upbringing to have clear and adult conversations about death. We can’t change our own history but we can be more direct with children in our own lives to prepare them more effectively but still sensitively to deal with the topic of death.

Next time, instead of using ‘bucket list’ why not refer to a ‘holiday of a lifetime’? That takes the conversation out of the realm of death and into the realm of life where it belongs.