A Difficult Job

I have always thought that self-confidence is a trait that is a combination of upbringing, genetics and bluffing.

If you listen to, or read comments by, many an older person, you will be informed that children these days are too indulged by their parents. They are told, according to these correspondents, that they are amazing and that they can do anything. This is generally seen as a bad thing, and I suppose in the more extreme cases it could be. However, it made me think of my upbringing and the upbringing of most children around me in the 1970s where we were constantly told what we were doing badly and occasionally what we are doing well. That wasn’t a good setting to develop self-confidence. The only exception to this were the upper middle classes I came across at times who were brought up to believe that they were a cut above the common herd!

Even if you have an upbringing that is designed to fill you with self-confidence you have to believe it inwardly. I have had imposter syndrome all my life and I have never felt like I was in control. I was metaphorically looking over my shoulder all the time waiting for someone to find out that I wasn’t really up to it. Yes, there is an element of upbringing in this, but I have seen many of the people I grew up with having no real issues believing that they got their successes due to their own excellence. This is where I think we have a genetic component. In nature vs nurture it’s always the former that is most significant.

One of my least favourite modern sayings is ‘Fake it till you make it’, not because I think it’s nonsense but because it completely explains modern society. The people who become managers and politicians are often way worse than those they lead but they have this air of knowing what they are doing that they cultivate in order to climb the greasy pole. They will make bad decisions, make the lives of those they lead ten times worse, occasionally accidentally, often deliberately, and they will be protected by others from the same breed. In all my years in teaching I can only remember coming across two top managers in my centres or schools who were genuinely brilliant. The rest ranged from adequate to appalling and by the end of my career the latter way outweighed the former!

I am now way too old to develop self-confidence but I have tried to bring my children up to have that trait. It’s the least I can do to try to save them from my disappointments and missed opportunities as a result of lacking that quality which is now far more important than actual ability.