What is one word that describes you?
From my Ladybird books in my childhood, one story impressed itself on my imagination more than any other. Robert the Bruce was holed up in a cave and had lost all hope of defeating the English invaders. In his despair he saw a spider in the cave weaving a web. Seven times the web broke and eight times the spider started again. The eighth time the web held and Robert decided that he too could show the determination that the spider had. He led the Scottish army at Bannockburn and defeated the army of Edward I and, as Flower of Scotland tells us ‘sent him homeward tae think again’!
Looking back at it now a couple of things came out of that story. First was my fascination with Scotland and my growing liking for the Celtic nations in general. I had to keep this hidden at Five Nations Rugby time, because my Dad was a died in the wool English supporter while I favoured Scotland, Wales and Ireland! I felt that the English had treated their neighbours very badly and I already had a dislike of Henry VIII so I was something of an iconoclast already. That’s one word that has been used to describe me as a teacher, and one I accept, but not the word that describes all of me. That word is ‘Trier’. Like Robert the Bruce and the Spider I will not stop trying. I may fail, I may change course, I may come to my senses, but I will never stop trying. It isn’t in my nature and it isn’t something I feel comfortable with. All my life I have been a trier. It’s at the very core of my being and I am very proud of that aspect of my personality.
Trier
What was the best compliment you’ve received?
How many times have I said the phrase in the title or a variation of it? Too many times to count but I am, after all, a product of my generation. At home, school, work and in wider society we were taught to view compliments with suspicion. My Dad used to react to praise with phrases like, ‘Enough of your flannel’ or ‘You lie like a Persian carpet’! I learnt very early to assume that compliments were false. It has both benefitted and hindered me. Benefitted because I would always be on the look out for insincerety and treat the person and the compliment with the disdain it deserved. Hindered because I could often come across as ungrateful and overly dismissive.
I remember when I was just about to leave my final full time job last summer. The office manager made a presentation of a plaque or trophy (I wasn’t sure what to call it!) for my long service. This was the epitome of a false compliment. It was only presented to me because a colleague who was leaving had been there 13 years (I had only been there 7) and she had no doubt decided that she needed to include me for the sake of appearances. I was very annoyed, actually, because not once during my 3 months notice did she even acknowledge me or what I had done at the centre. A simple private thank you would have been appreciated but being ambushed by her at a staff meeting with a piece of glass that didn’t mean anything to me or to her really got me riled. However, the response from the people I worked with was fulsome and absolutely genuine. They showed me appreciation throughout my final three months as they had in the previous seven years that was hard earned and very much appreciated. They thanked me in person, privately and genuinely and I really felt like I had earned it.
The greatest compliment I have ever received was 38 years ago this year when Janet accepted my somewhat clumsy attempt at an engagement! She decided that I was worth taking a chance on and I will never stop being thankful. Even there, I notice, I have to be self deprecating. It’s a very good example of my inner battle with the whole idea of compliments big or small. I tend to brush them off, but reflecting on them later I can appreciate the genuine ones and dismiss the flannel.
Finally, thank you, dear reader for paying me the compliment of reading to the end. I really do appreciate you and your support for my writing in this blog. This is my 500th post so I must be doing something right!
You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike?
My holiday only starts when I reach my hotel room or self catering apartment or hostel room. My family get excited about the holiday as soon as they get to the airport. I genuinely can’t understand why. The whole process is impersonal, built on suspicion and designed to make you feel as little like a human being as possible. Then you have the flight itself which for me is purgatory. There’s no leg room to speak of, although the budget carrier I flew from Paris to Madrid took the biscuit for that. I christened it Douglas Bader airlines 🤣🤣. Even if leg room is reasonably good for these days, the flight itself is 20 minutes of nerves sandwiching however many hours of boredom! Then you get to the other end, go through baggage claim, passport control and drag or carry a case onto whatever transport you are taking at the other end. It’s a pretty dire experience as far as I am concerned!
When I am in the middle of a holiday, a trip to another destination just takes me out of the holiday mood and it’s like starting the rigmarole all over again. If I have the time, the train is an OK option. Unlike flying, you can stretch your legs a bit, open a window and take in the scenery. We did that in both New Zealand and Australia and I enjoyed it more than flying, but it’s usually much more expensive and far more time consuming. So, on the odd occasion we have had a two centre holiday it’s been the flight. When we went from Sydney to Port Stephens back in 2024 we flew there but we had the fantastic drive along the coast from Cairns to Port Stephens. One side was the sea and the other side was rain forest. I loved every minute and really drank in the experience. It was a taxi so Janet didn’t have to drive and could also really appreciate it. As a final bonus, the woman driving the taxi had a fantastic playlist which I recreated on Spotify and which you can find below. Happy listening and safe travels.
Who is the most confident person you know?
I avoid making friends with genuinely confident people because they are often blind to their own faults but dialled in to other people’s. Most of the managers in the companies I have worked in have been amongst the most ‘confident’ people in the organisation and in many cases I think it’s a surface confidence. When it goes beyond that it becomes a problem because they actually believe in the myth of their own brilliance. One manager in particular used to come to our centre and proceeded to deliver a word salad that meant very little in real terms but allowed him to look like he was actually earning his huge board level salary. He contributed nothing to our teaching but the other senior managers fawned over him. That’s a lot to do with the fact that the senior managers have to say how good each other are in order to keep up appearances.
In so many cases, confidence tips over into arrogance and affects so many people around them. You only have to look at 99% of our politicians in the UK and the rest of the world to see the problems that confidence leads to. A clear understanding of your limits and an acknowledgement of your weaknesses is absolutely essential. As soon as I meet any genuinely confident people I avoid them like the plague because I will have nothing in common with them and I want to keep it like that.
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
70s and 80s kids from the UK may recognise the song I am referencing in the title! The reason I have become an advocate of meditation is that it slowly but surely resets your mind. Initially you may not even think it is working but it’s a process that requires you to continue putting in the effort even if you feel that is the case. I tried it three or four years ago, decided it wasn’t having any effect and gave up. Nearly two years ago I made myself focus by paying for one year of Calm and I kept at it. After a few months I realised that as well as being more relaxed I was able to develop a better approach to setbacks and prospective problems. The pessimism didn’t disappear but it was increasingly outweighed by my, not optimism exactly, but my realism. You don’t suddenly think everything will be OK but you do think that more things will be. You also learn to develop a more balanced approach to the difficult thoughts and events.
I can only encourage you to try it out, because it’s worked for me. I know this doesn’t mean it will work for you, but I have gone from a highly negative mindset to a much more positive one. It’s not a panacea and I do visit the Slough of Despond occasionally but it is a place I visit much less.
By the way the title references Record Breakers, specifically the title song!
David Pearce - Popular Culture and Personal Passions 