Nature vs Nurture

Our family is a large one by current standards as we have four grown up children. What makes me absolutely sure that the most important factor in what makes us unique is nature is that all four are as different as it is possible to be.

We have raised four human beings in one household so the nurture part is as similar as you can make it, although, of course, you evolve as parents as you get more experience. I remember one of my friends in Japan, Pip, who was the oldest of three complaining about the fact that her youngest sister in particular could get away with behaviour that her parents wouldn’t have allowed from her. They said it was a process of being worn down by the older children, and from our experience the parents were absolutely right 😂!

The second part of the nurture is of course the social circle of friends, the impact of school and the impact of social media. As children get older their main influences have always come from friends rather than parents. For me, that probably started at 14 or 15, but as I have mentioned on many occasions the school influence on my personality was wholly negative especially in terms of mood and behaviour. I would say that the parental influence is shorter lived now than it ever used to be because of technology, and, here in the West at least, children probably outgrow their parents in the latter years of primary school and the process is set in stone by early secondary school at the latest.

So, bearing this in mind, I come down firmly on the side of nature in this debate. If we say the same thing to each of our four children they will react in four different ways. This comes down to their genetic inheritance, which has different aspects and different effects. I would say that in terms of the genetics, the importance of the parents’ social and economic situation as well as diet and where they are living play a role in what genes get passed on and which are the most important. This is my own theory and genetics is not my area, but I look back at the way that our life journey had taken us around the world and given us totally different experiences and I can see the way that this may have affected the blueprint for each of the children. Our two boys were born in the UK before we left for Japan, so we had a meat and potato heavy diet and a traditional living arrangement for the UK. The two of them have always been quite traditional in likes, dislikes and outlook, although their early experiences of life in Japan obviously had quite an impact on them, and indeed all of us as a family. Our two daughters born during and not long after our time in Japan had the impact of us having much more of a traditional Asian diet with rice, vegetables and occasional white meat and a completely different lifestyle giving us a very different starting point in terms of the genetic inheritance they were given. They have been more non-traditional in their mindset, by UK standards, and I firmly believe that this is because of the influence of living abroad at the time or not long before conception.

So, my theory is based on nothing more than personal experience and observation but it seems logical to me and the ongoing differences between our four children makes me ever more convinced that I am onto something. There is probably already a lot of research in this area which I would definitely be interested in reading. Perhaps that is an area I can look into now that I have more time.