What Are You Doing Here? by Baroness Floella Benjamin

When you sit down to a new book, especially an autobiography of someone whose public persona you are familiar with, you have pre-set ideas of what the subject will be like. Accordingly, I sat down with Baroness Floella Benjamin’s autobiography expecting a funny and warm read. Now I certainly got those emotions in places, but I got other emotions I definitely wasn’t expecting, like anger, shock, disbelief and passages that affected me so deeply that I had to put the book down to compose myself before I was able to carry on. In every way, this autobiography gave me deeper feelings than I had ever felt from any other life story. Is that because of Play School, Play Away and her other appearances during my later childhood? Well, that’s why I put the book on my Christmas list, but no not really. I got these feelings because of the power of the writing and the absolute honesty Floella put into every line. It is no exaggeration to say that I have never been so moved by any other book in years.

The Story

Floella’s early years on the island of Trinidad were days of fun and laughter with her beloved Marmie and Dardie and her five siblings. When her parents moved to Britain, leaving the four older children in the care of family and friends, what had been idyllic became a nightmare. She eventually moved to England to join her parents and settled in to her new life with positive expectations and a heart full of love for those around her. This was met with anger, racism and daily discrimination from neighbours, fellow pupils at school, racist gangs and the police. When you read how this young girl and her family were treated it makes you burn with anger, but from her adult perspective Floella shows the most incredible forgiveness to those who treated her so appallingly. It wasn’t always that way, as she admits, and unsurprisingly so.

That Question

The title reflects the question that Floella and every other non-white person gets asked when they are in a place where they aren’t expected to be. It’s a question that has dogged her throughout her life in England, and it hasn’t been asked only by people you might be expecting, but also by the ‘great and the good’ of politics, media and even the august members of the House of Lords itself. The way that Floella brings it to life and its horrible effect on her and many many others, makes what can, too often, be an abstract idea for those who have never been affected by racism and the questioning of your very self, deeply and shockingly powerful.

Love and Loss

The whole autobiography is full of love. Love for her parents, her siblings, husband Keith, her children, her Play School babies, her students and her fellow actors and performers. The fact that her love is so present at all times is the reason why people have loved her in return all through her life and career. Her overwhelming goodness and compassion is at the centre of this book, and it is this that makes the losses that she faces so upsetting. On a number of occasions in this book my eyes filled with tears and I had to put the book down to process what I had just read.

Final Thoughts

Baroness Benjamin of Beckenham, to give her her full title is quite simply one of the most important figures in this country. Her work for children, charities and equality has been indefatigable for half a century and more. She has given herself fully to everyone who has needed her help throughout her life and she is incredibly inspiring. She is full of Consideration, Contentment and Contentment. If you only read one autobiography this year you must make it this one.