Getting It Back Slowly

For quite a while I was finding it difficult to laugh in the way I used to. It seemed as though I had to be in exactly the right mood and have exactly the right stimulus. Like so many other people I found it became a real effort. Part of it was a job that was no longer enjoyable in the way it had been. Part of it was getting older and thinking that laughing was something that just naturally subsidised over the years. To be honest I still think that to a certain extent because it just seems weird to watch older people, of whom I am now one, burst out laughing at the drop of a hat. It seems to transgress some unwritten rule of nature! I tell jokes and enjoy the laughter they occasionally elicit but I tend to restrain myself where possible when reacting to jokes from other people. I think that the final part of the puzzle is my own nature. Even as a kid I wasn’t encouraged to laugh by the society I grew up in. I mean, it wouldn’t be true to say that I didn’t laugh a lot but I was conscious of needing a proper excuse for it.

So, what am I doing to bring some unforced laughter into my life? Well, I am more relaxed which helps, and I am definitely not trying to stem any episodes of laughter. However, I will still only laugh at specific things like comedies and usually I will not do so in public, apart from perhaps in a theatre or on the very rare occasion I go to a film. There is something stopping me and I think it’s practice. Maybe like Scrooge I need to be visited by three spirits as that is what unlocked his laughter! Society seems to write a script where if you don’t laugh you are humourless and if you laugh too much you are immature, so I feel like I need to strike a clear balance. Also, I often think some laughs are too loud, too long or too fake and are designed to be a ‘look at me’ signal so I want to avoid being ‘that person’! I know that this overthinking is what is holding me back, but I can only say I am a work in progress. Last week when I celebrated my birthday with a trip to the Crystal Maze, I laughed unselfconciously on many occasions in the company of my family. It’s a good sign and one to build on.