It was really nothing

How many times have I said the phrase in the title or a variation of it? Too many times to count but I am, after all, a product of my generation. At home, school, work and in wider society we were taught to view compliments with suspicion. My Dad used to react to praise with phrases like, ‘Enough of your flannel’ or ‘You lie like a Persian carpet’! I learnt very early to assume that compliments were false. It has both benefitted and hindered me. Benefitted because I would always be on the look out for insincerety and treat the person and the compliment with the disdain it deserved. Hindered because I could often come across as ungrateful and overly dismissive.

I remember when I was just about to leave my final full time job last summer. The office manager made a presentation of a plaque or trophy (I wasn’t sure what to call it!) for my long service. This was the epitome of a false compliment. It was only presented to me because a colleague who was leaving had been there 13 years (I had only been there 7) and she had no doubt decided that she needed to include me for the sake of appearances. I was very annoyed, actually, because not once during my 3 months notice did she even acknowledge me or what I had done at the centre. A simple private thank you would have been appreciated but being ambushed by her at a staff meeting with a piece of glass that didn’t mean anything to me or to her really got me riled. However, the response from the people I worked with was fulsome and absolutely genuine. They showed me appreciation throughout my final three months as they had in the previous seven years that was hard earned and very much appreciated. They thanked me in person, privately and genuinely and I really felt like I had earned it.

The greatest compliment I have ever received was 38 years ago this year when Janet accepted my somewhat clumsy attempt at an engagement! She decided that I was worth taking a chance on and I will never stop being thankful. Even there, I notice, I have to be self deprecating. It’s a very good example of my inner battle with the whole idea of compliments big or small. I tend to brush them off, but reflecting on them later I can appreciate the genuine ones and dismiss the flannel.

Finally, thank you, dear reader for paying me the compliment of reading to the end. I really do appreciate you and your support for my writing in this blog. This is my 500th post so I must be doing something right!