Highs and Lows

I have always had a difficult relationship with money. With me it’s been a case of spending too much or trying to spend as near to nothing as possible! I move from one extreme to the other and I have never managed to settle on a happy medium. This year, so far, I have spent £10.50 on myself outside of food and other essentials. This was on one night when I went to the National Theatre and bought myself a programme and my daughter and I ice creams. I am quite happy with that spending level and hope I can continue it for the rest of the year! Now, there is a clear reason for me to reduce my spending as much as possible, namely our decision for me to step away from full time year round teaching. I have written about it at length elsewhere so I won’t go into it again but you can imagine that it definitely focuses the mind!

When I was a child I got pocket money and basically as soon as I got it I spent it. Birthday and Christmas money was the same. It never went into savings and I never had a savings account set up. For seven years at Secondary school, I had an extra £5 a week, because we lived one house inside the boundary for free bus travel and the bus fare was 50p each way. I got asked to pay my fare twice in seven years  🎉 🎉 I was literally quids in to the tune of about £200 a year. Did I save any? No way, I just built up a brilliant singles collection and finished the Football 79 sticker album!

By the time I got a job my spending pattern was set in stone. Whatever I was paid was spent and I had no savings whatsoever. In my early 20s I came completely off the rails to the extent that my bank demanded the return of my bank card and allowed me to take out £50 a week in cash until I could prove that I was able to budget properly! Then, salvation arrived in the form of Janet, whose attitude to money was the diametric opposite. She had always been a saver and would not buy anything if it wasn’t budgeted for. By and large I fell into step with her because I gave her control of our finances, which was definitely a great decision and remains so! When our income has been at its lowest, we have always had enough money for rent and food and for what the children needed, and that is very much down to her. However, my financial troubles did leave me with one very important skill, namely that of making 50p do the job of a pound when food shopping. I have always been good at mental arithmetic and if I had £5 I would get the absolute maximum out of it. Back in the early 2000s I was budgeting on about £20 a week for a family of 6 and coming in below budget whilst still ensuring that we had enough food to satisfy growing appetites. I would buy the cheapest ingredients but make really good, filling and healthy meals with my prowess in the kitchen. To this day, I get the absolute maximum for my money even though I don’t necessarily need to budget and I can get much better quality ingredients. It’s a matter of personal pride to reduce our food bill to the minimum but still be able to cook really good quality meals. The waste in our kitchen is absolutely minimal and I am very focused on making sure that remains the case.

I will never feel totally comfortable with money and I have come to realise that I have to really watch myself like a hawk. Yes, it’s led me to denying myself treats that I probably could buy, but I always think that any money spent on myself is money I can’t spend on my loved ones. It’s definitely at the other extreme now, but I have a feeling of guilt when I spend on myself when it is unnecessary so I accept that as the price for my previous profligacy.