Don’t Trust your Gut
What’s the first impression you want to give people?
I discount the first impression that anyone gives, for the simple reason that it is almost certain to be heavily curated to show the particular side of that person that they feel is to their advantage. Perhaps it’s my innate distrust of human beings or the fact that I am on the Autistic Spectrum, but I don’t believe that what you see is what you get.
How many times have you met someone and thought they were very nice, only to find out that they are anything but? So many bosses fall into that category, but then again their whole job is about giving a selective impression of themselves or their company. On the other hand, how many times have you met someone and thought that you weren’t going to get on with them and then found out that they were completely different once you got to know the real person.
We all wear masks. The premise of the question acknowledges this. Often the mask hides a myriad of unpleasant characteristics because the person is all show. Sometimes the mask hides their many pleasant characteristics because they are nervous and they find fitting in immediately extremely difficult. Whatever the case, a first impression is basically useless, because it’s almost always going to be false. When you are on the Spectrum you often hide yourself behind a mask of passive or active fitting in with what you think people want.
If I learned one thing during 30 years of teaching it’s that you never see the real student before reading week (half term) at the earliest because they are settling in, learning the lie of the land and trying to suss out what kind of teacher you are. The students who are loud and apparently enthusiastic tend to be the ones whose behaviour deteriorates over time. The shy ones can either be studious and excellent or completely lost and it takes a while to find out. For that matter, they have never seen the real me before half term, because I don’t start off with any preconceived ideas and therefore I have a one size teaches all approach that I steadily adjust. I did, in general, know if I was going to like a class as a whole quite quickly, but even that instinct deserted me in the last couple of years as I got more tired and more jaded.
I don’t care what first impression I give to people or what first impression they give to me. What counts is the real person behind the mask.
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David Pearce - Popular Culture and Personal Passions 
Very interesting concept. Some people have more faces than a town clock and are so fake and duplicitous that you’ll never see the individual behind the visage (if such a person even exists). However, most can be forgiven for feeling they have to wear a mask. It doesn’t mean they are hiding some kind of bad person. In fact, as you point out, the mask may be hiding someone rather wonderful. Instead, masks are there to protect us as we try to rub along with others. In Britain, this is essential. There is immense social/economic pressure to conform to a kind of polite and stullifying aggreableness, regardless of circumstance (think “stiff upper lip” or “keep calm and carry on”). It’s not always a particularly healthy or natural mode of being, but it does seem to be essential for our survival. Very strong amongst the traditional English middle classes, who have decided this behaviour ought to apply to everyone, instead of just being their preferred neurosis.
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You are of course correct and I hide behind a mask as Billy Joel points out in his brilliant song The Stranger. He says a similar thing to me far more briefly 🤣🤣
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We all do mate. 🙂
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😂😂
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