The Role of Family Christmas Traditions

What is Christmas? Well, it is a question I have examined from pretty much every angle over the last two years during Blogmas, but it keeps coming back to one central idea, the accumulation of years of tradition. This is true for the wider celebration of Christmas around the world, and also for the family celebration of Christmas in each individual household. I initially decided to look at some of my own family traditions, but I realised that I had probably covered that in as much detail as anyone could want – and almost certainly more! Therefore, I have decided to look at the reasons why we feel the need to create our own Christmases.

The human need for tradition

We develop traditions as a species to try to find our place in the world. These traditions might be long standing or relatively recent, but when we follow them, we are reflecting our need to belong somewhere. That belonging may be based on a family, a club, an interest or a nationality, but wherever it comes from we are proclaiming ourselves to be part of that particular grouping. When we are with people who share our interests or our upbringing, we have a confirmation that we are part of something bigger. Many years ago, that grouping might have been the church or it might have been your village, but these days the groups tend to be more specific, based perhaps around a social or sports club. However, one unit has been constant throughout the centuries, the family, extended to include friends and nuclear. So how do traditions develop within the family?

Family at Christmas

Now, one of the main ways that any family develops their own traditions is by taking what they enjoyed as children and implanting it in their own Christmas. Just as important, if not more so, is the decision to leave behind those things that they did not enjoy as children. So, for example, their own family may have gone to church on Christmas Day, but that is something that the person didn’t enjoy so it doesn’t make it into their Christmas. For example, the traditional role of the wife and mother in the kitchen all morning may be shared or, as in our case, reversed. The person who grew up with turkey every year, and grew to dislike it, may decide not to let it near their Christmas table. Present opening may have been a free for all in the childhood home, so it is much more structured in their own home, with enough time for each present to be appreciated, at least in theory!

This, of course, can lead to conflict when their parents come to share Christmas with them, or when they go to their parents to re-enact a family Christmas of the past. The parents may miss their familiar patterns when they visit and they may make comments to that effect. The now grown up child may feel like they are trapped in a seasonal nightmare with no control over how the day goes. This can make Christmas a very stressful day for all concerned and contributes to the feeling that many have that they want to ignore the season. In many cases, this extends to all the trappings, all the preparations and all the expectations. Some people go away every Christmas, some put up the barricades at home! Some will simply refuse to spend any part of Christmas with their family in order to put as much distance between themselves and a very intense day or so.

The Two Extremes

The prevailing social media ecosystem, and indeed the way that many people behave in person, means live and let live as a concept has largely disappeared. People who ignore Christmas are Scrooges, people who throw themselves into it are childish or stupid, or so the prevailing narrative would have us believe. The truth is, as ever, far more complex than that. People who hate the season could have been brought up in families where Christmas was a time of argument and fear, people who love it could have grown up in families when it was a time of magic and celebration. Interestingly, the opposite is often true. Someone with bad memories may choose to celebrate Christmas extremely enthusiastically to assuage them. Someone brought up in ‘Santa’s Grotto’ may have had enough of it before they are out of their teens! Make no mistake, though, choosing to ignore the season is just as much of a Christmas tradition as throwing yourself into it. The same people post the same memes of Noddy Holder in November saying ‘Wait for it!’ or ‘It’s not Christmas until I say so!’ to stem the tide of early seasonal cheer. They throw themselves into ‘Whamaggedon’ to proclaim their opposition to all Christmas music which is, to them, inherently shallow. They will post comments below the line in the papers to ridicule those who like Christmas music, Christmas films or Christmas food. This happens every year, and I get the impression that the sheer ‘contrariness’ of their position is very appealing! The ‘opposition’ will join pages on Facebook that celebrate Christmas all year round and occasionally share posts from those pages well in advance of December 25, primarily to proclaim their position as keepers of the Christmas flame. That in itself is part of the Christmas tradition for lovers of the season as they like to think of themselves as the contrary ones, and occasionally seem to enjoy portraying the rest of the world as somehow lacking in magic.

Towards a deeper appreciation

Oddly enough, I have noticed that as I have got older, Christmas has become more important to me, and, I hope, to those I share it with. All but one of my children have left home, so I appreciate their visits more, especially at Christmas. Ironically, this has caused me to relax at Christmas, in an attempt to remove the inherent pressure I mentioned earlier. The day is no longer the big production number it was when the children were younger. That isn’t to say that I take it less seriously, because the opposite is true, but I now endeavour to make it as easy-going as possible, so that they want to come back year after year. They appreciate the fact that we do many of the same things that we did when they were younger. For example, Santa still visits all of us and fills our stockings! One thing I never lose sight of, though, is that we are very fortunate that they still want to spend part of Christmas with us and I will always value that.

Yes, Christmas starts earlier than ever and is way more commercial, although people have been saying this for a while;

There are People who will tell you that Christmas to them is not what it used to be.

We have lost the art of commanding our feelings so as to fit them to the season … Now we have separated very sharply the secular from the sacred part of Christmas.

First Quote – (Dickens, 1836) / Second Quote – (The Times, 1912)

There are undeniable issues with Christmas for many people, but there are undeniable benefits for many as well. How you celebrate the season, or indeed if you choose to ignore it, and what your traditions are, will differ from person to person, family to family, country to country. One thing remains true, however. The mid-Winter festival that probably started with Yuletide is still with us some 6000 years later. It is part of our social fabric and it helps us mark the passing of another year. In that sense, whatever your traditions, it is a chance to take stock, to look back, to look forward or simply to appreciate the here and now and those around you. Whatever you do around December 25 I hope you find peace and contentment.

Maybe, if you feel so inclined you can post a comment below to tell me what the season means to you and how it fits into your life. Do you celebrate wholeheartedly, or do you count down the days until you can get back to normal?