Back in the land of the hearing!!

Well, it took 8 months, but I finally got my hearing back thanks to 2 attempts at ear syringing and a long overdue hearing test. 

On a superficial level, just being able to listen to my CDs was great, but once more being able to pick up on the subtle nuances of the music was even better. It really reminded me what I’d been missing even though music on the computer with headphones allowed me to continue reviewing. I am working my way through the CD backlog I’ve built up and once I have done that I will set about rediscovering some old favourites.

On a deeper level though, my hearing loss has changed my view of life in many ways. I suppose I had just accepted diminished hearing as a part of getting old, and in a way it crept up on me. The volume on the TV going up by a couple of notches, asking people to say things again more often, not being able to hear conversations in crowded rooms and having to guess what people were saying to me based on context. All of these things were irritating but nothing I couldn’t deal with. Then, when my ‘good ear’ was completely blocked, I was reminded that there was so much I took for granted previously. 

I can hear Albus purring once again, a lovely calming sound. I can hear birds in the garden, bringing me closer to nature whether I am out in the open or in the conservatory. I can hear people through their masks once again, although that is still a little hit and miss. 

The isolation of deafness led me to retreat within myself and restricted interactions with other people to an extent that actually quite shocked me. Without the assistance of headphones and Zoom calls, work would have been virtually impossible, as I found out when I returned to the centre last month. 

Deafness caused me to become angrier when things didn’t go right, more miserable when I couldn’t do things I wanted to and more frustrated with life in general. All of my negative emotions were heightened in ways that made everything more confrontational in my head. I found myself with a much shorter temper and more liable to give up on anything that required concentration, another thing in short supply. 

I now have some insight into what is important to me, outside of family of course. It is my ability to communicate both internally and externally. I think to an extent that I had stopped listening to myself. It has forced me to re-evaluate what I need in terms of my day to day life and it is this that has led me to return to learning. I am reading and taking notes about Popular Culture from John Storey’s excellent book as I start to put into motion my long held intention to do a PhD which I always promised my Dad I would do. Yes, it may be a couple of years or more before I am ready to study full time, for obvious financial reasons, but I now know what area and what subject I want to study. It is huge progress and it is progress I would not have made if the deafness had not concentrated my mind so clearly.

Hearing is a gift which I lost and a gift that I can, and probably will, lose again in the future. While I have this gift I will use it to its fullest. Yes, there will be times when I take it for granted again, but I now know that my time is precious and I need to use that time wisely.

Wish me luck!!

David